I've have being wanting to write you a letter for quite some time now. The reason it has taken me this long is because I wasn't exactly sure what to say, and once I did, I didn't know how. I decided though that being truly honest with you is what I need to do. I've noticed you've been down a little bit lately, like you're stuck in a rut or a deep hole that doesn't seem worth climbing out of. I'm here to tell you that I notice. Well, you actually don't make it a secret that you're feeling this way, but I know you're not seeking attention or trying to get people to feel sympathy towards you. It's because, well, that's truly what you feel and where your mind is at these days. And I'm also here to tell you... it's okay.
I know you feel as if you should have you're life together. I mean, you're almost 22. You're a college graduate with an expensive piece of paper to prove it. You (miraculously) have a job to start paying for everything on your own, and you have much greater responsibilities it seems now. And yet, everyday you wake up feeling more unsure of yourself than you did in college. I know what you're thinking (obviously), isn't that suppose to be the time where you find out who your are, what your passions are, and what our good at? I mean all your friends are and every adult around you now seems to have their shit together? So why not you?
I know you're currently in a position, just from what you've told me, that you're currently not sure of the direction your life is heading. You're contemplating just picking everything up and starting in a new place. You're thinking about the options that are available to maybe continue your education in graduate school since inspiration hasn't struck you yet. I guess that makes sense. Take more expensive classes just to possibly end up once again where you are now (just with more debt). But I can tell that not only are you unsure of what you want to do with you life, I can tell you're regretting a lot of things recently that would make anyone go crazy thinking about.
Did you pick the right major? Did you choose the right school? Could you have done more to make your resume stick out to good employers? Did you make the most of this and that situation?
Basically, you have a lot going through you're mind right now. And I would know. I'm you after all.
But here's the words you know you need to here, and you have thought, but just won't accept...
First, stop worrying or wondering why you don't have your life together. You want to know why you don't have your life together? Because you're 21 years old! You're not suppose to yet. It's true when they say that nothing will ruin your 20's more than thinking you should have your life together already. You still have so many years to learn, make mistakes, grow, find what you love and what you're good at, and ultimately, achieve what you want most... figure out your life's calling. It'll happen, I promise. It might take a day, a month, a year, or many years, but someone as dedicated and deeply strong as you will make it happen. I know it doesn't seem possible right now, especially with that negative attitude you've been carrying around lately, but it'll become clear and once it does, you'll never have wanted your life to go any other way.
I'm also here to tell you that that sad feeling that seems to be with you often nowadays, that's okay too. Surprisingly, it's okay to be sad. It's okay if there's a reason to be sad and it's most definitely alright to be sad if there's no obvious reason. It is okay. Don't let anyone else tell you other wise. Cry a few tears if you need too because those are perfectly acceptable too. Though it's okay to be sad, it's not okay for you to be bringing others around you down. And you know that even though those people aren't physically telling you, you know that you are. That doesn't make you feel good, does it? I know I'm to blame for this. I apologize that I, your mind and soul, have been the most difficult thing you have ever dealt with. But I promise you to change if you are willing to as well.
You are your problem, but you are also your solution.
You're at a stage where it's time to build your bridge. And not just any bridge, but one that supports everything that comes along with life. Family, friends, the good moments and the bad, the challenges, the struggles, the triumphs, your interests and hobbies, and your search for completeness. That bridge is not built in a day. This is not the time to be crossing it, it's the time for planning, exploring, learning how to create the perfect bridge for you. Wow, you were always good at cheesy metaphors.
But finally, I need you to do one thing for me...
Please enjoy your life.
It might not seem possible with how down you've been lately, I get it. Believe it or not, I really do. And there are people out there right now that believe you and feel exactly how you do too. But you don't want to waste you're days just wishing things were better, wishing you had other peoples' lives that seem to be all together, and waiting for greater days to come. You don't have to have it together every second of every day, especially now. So enjoy the your time, right this minute. Create a positive atmosphere around you, even if it's just focused mostly on me, your mind. I just want to see you happy, and you know there are people out there in your life that want the same exact things that you and I both want. No one's wanting to see you fail.
One day, I'm going to be in the back of your conscience, and there's going to be a moment where instead of me trying my hardest and sweating to keep you happy, I'm instead going to go...
"Oh, that's it. That's what I've been looking for." And that's when you'll never hear from this voice again. That is the day I'm personally waiting for, and I'll never be happier.
You'll never be happier.
It'll all make sense some day. I promise.
So what if you don't know how to be an adult yet and still have to Google everything? So what if you're still a part of team "I wore this yesterday but I'm going to a different place so it doesn't matter"? And so what if still don't have a grasp on what you're meant to really do with your life? You're going to go through some struggles and you're going to come out with some bruises, but that doesn't mean you won't make it to the finish line. You're just going to have proof you fought hard when you finally make it there.
The outside world can be very inviting for us to become upset. It's your job to not let it.
Sincerely,
You.
____
I am my own problem, but I'm also my own solution.
XOXO,
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