What College Taught Me

Freshmen Year:

You taught me not fear a change of location. You taught me how to gain the courage to meet new people, make new friendships, and not be so scared of that cute boy in my class.

You taught me that high school put a lot of unnecessary insecurity into my soul, and that it was going to take a lot of searching in order to become who I was meant to be. You taught me that I was confused, that I had no clear direct line or passion leading me to where I needed to go. In no way am I blaming you for this, but you were the one that brought it to my attention and I thank you for helping me realize that sometimes, you just don’t know.

You taught me that it’s okay to feel alone, but you also taught me that you’re never as alone as you feel.

You educated me not just in a classroom setting, but in life. 

You put me through tests on paper with multiple choice answers and you put me through tests of conflict and resolve. You provided me chances to express myself through writing, along with providing multiple chances to express myself through words when I’m normally one to stay quiet. I made not have spoken at all opportunities that you handed me, but you taught me that I do have a voice and it should be heard whether people want to listen or not.

What I learned from you mostly though was that I was lost. Even through a few lessons, moments of regret and second-guessing, and even my first heartbreak, I saw this not as a negative, but as a positive. You provided me with a blank canvas, a space to become what I wanted to be. You gave me endless amounts of glitter to leave on my path, not only for inspiration, but to have a way back if I were to lost myself again.

You weren’t going to let four years not teach me anything. 

You knew you weren’t the time to lecture me on everything I would eventually need learn, but the basics were more then enough to become open to lessons of year two.

Sophomore Year:

You taught me that I had a new home, a place that I truly wanted to come back to and continue learning from. And boy, did you teach me a lot.

I believe you taught me the most about friendships and relationships this time around. Lessons I didn’t want to learn because I knew they were going to be tough, but ones that you knew that everyone has to eventually be taught.

To start, you taught me that everything isn’t meant to be perfect and that perfection doesn’t truly exist. Because of this, individuals (including myself) make mistakes. And you know I made a good amount of them this year. 

But a positive from this? You showed me I have the ability to forgive, move on no matter how much time it takes, and that it’s okay to feel hurt for a little while. What’s not okay, as you so obviously pointed out, is staying hurt or angry, and not going forward. You showed me how to take the bad and learn from it, not make it into something that will define me.

You tremendously taught me that people have cold hearts, can use words as a weapon, and that they don’t think the same way I do (This is actually one of the few things I was reminded of all four years).

You taught me that conflict is a part of life and can’t be avoided. But along with this came my first glimpse of how you were going to teach me that no one’s opinions about myself matter except for mine. This was a time of realizing that I really did care (maybe a little too much) about the impression I gave people, and you started pointing me in the right direction of acceptance, loving myself and not trying to be the person others wanted me to be.

You taught me a lot about trust, more than I probably could have handled that year, but I guess you thought I needed to know because this is when you taught me about falling in love. You told me it would be bumpy, and I didn’t believe you. But so far, it has been the greatest lesson someone has provided me.

You opened my eyes to people who would listen, absorb, and lock secrets. You may have made me start sharing a lot more than some people deserved to know, but it was another lesson well-learned in the end.

Lastly, you taught how difficult it can be to say goodbye, how you won’t know if they’ll miss you or forget you. But sometimes, that’s a risk you have to take.

Junior Year:

Your predecessor was one focused around relationships. You were the time of growing up.

It took you some time, but you really helped me understand what it means to be an adult.

You taught me that being independent is a lot more than just paying your own bills. It’s realizing you messed up and taking responsibility instead of cowering behind innocence.

You showed me that I’m not always going to make the right decisions, but that there’ll always been a lesson worth learning from them. 

You showed me that screaming your words is not a method of getting your voice heard, that maturity is realizing that not every situation needs a reaction. And despite previous lessons, you showed me how silence can be just as loud. Silence can lead to letting go, and you provided me the support that letting go of toxicity filling my life is always a good thing, never bad. 

And just because someone doesn’t understand, doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

You showed me that if I feel something is off, it usual is.

Before this though, you made it clear that I sometimes forgot to put my happiness first, and you showed me what stress can do to a fragile soul searcher like myself. But this led to my decision of personally bringing about more lessons for myself to learn, revolving around not just caring for myself, but for nurturing another life.

You brought about a new sense of the word “responsibility” to me, and it made me more motivated and enthused about life after my college years. It was the first time you showed me what being an adult entitles, and you made me feel more prepared than ever.

Even though you put me on a good high of life, you started to show me that storms can brew when you never expect them to. You wanted me to know that troubled times happen, to everyone, not just me, but I didn’t want to listen.

You grew angry with me and got a head start on planning your lessons for the upcoming year.

Senior Year:

You didn’t want to make this one an easy ride, did you?

To start, you taught me that people can go to dark places sometimes. You didn’t want me going on that trip, but you let me anyway. Though I see why now, it was hard to concentrate on anything you were trying to tell me when nothing positive seemed to shine through.

Even though it was hard to grasp, there are some lessons that stick out in my mind.

Like how you made me learn that you sometimes have to take small steps before you can take those giant leaps you dream of doing. 

You showed me that it’s not enough just having bigger dreams that some people might not understand. You have to work for your goals. This was a lesson I dealt with all year, from craving the foreign and strange, homesick for a place that I’ve never been, to just making sure that I was actually walking down that aisle to receive my diploma.

You were all about me trying hard; trying harder to graduate, trying harder to do better in my classes, trying harder to make more decisions that I knew were going to benefit me more than others around me.

You taught me that disappointments can’t come when you try your hardest, because in the end, that's all you got, right? And you made me learn to except that what’s meant to be, will be.

You helped me realize that mantra could be used throughout multiple dimensions of my life, including my relationships with friends, family, friends that became no longer there, friends that I finally realized were always there, and superiors. Though you’ve taught me in the years before the great and the bad that come along with friendships, this year you gave me the valuable lesson of being able to distinguish a true friend from a false one. 

You taught me to "listen" to actions of those I choose to let in my life, not their words. The actions of people sometimes prove why words mean absolutely nothing. Because of you, I might have some trouble trusting the words of others, but you taught me to never doubt their patterns.

You made me grow in the sense that you let me experience things that happen all the time out in what we call “adult world”, and now I see that you were just trying to prepare me for some of the worse out there, including rejection, denial, feelings that you won’t be accepted out there were the people are "serious".  

But I think the two most important lessons you taught me were just a few months ago, right before I became a college graduate.

The first being that everything must eventually come to an end, and secondly, when one door closes, another must open. The two most cliché sayings in the world, but ones that have never felt so true.

Four years is a long time to learn and grow, and you helped me personally the most in this year four than any before.

And for that, I thank you.

____

This was to tell a story, some may know and some may not.
A timeline of moments that really made me learn as I grew up.

But I couldn't be limited to a list of 10 or even 15.

I've been very nostalgic about my college life recently,

but I wouldn't do it again even if I had the chance.
I've gained a lot, and lost.
I've learned a lot more.

That's all I could have asked for.

Advice though: don't wish it away.

Until next time,



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